The lamay (wake or vigil) is a central part of Filipino funeral tradition. For most families, it lasts 3–7 nights and serves as both a period of mourning and a gathering of community and support. Planning a lamay can feel overwhelming, especially in the hours immediately after a loved one's passing. This step-by-step guide walks you through everything.

Step 1: Notify the Funeral Home Immediately

Contact a funeral home as soon as possible after the death — ideally within hours. The funeral home will handle the transfer of the body, embalming preparation, and scheduling of the chapel. Have the following ready when you call:

  • Full name, age, and date of birth of the deceased
  • Location of the deceased (hospital, home, etc.)
  • Your preferred funeral home (or ask for recommendations)
  • Whether you have a pre-need memorial plan

Step 2: Select a Funeral Package and Chapel

During the initial arrangement meeting, you'll choose:

  • Funeral package (basic, standard, or premium)
  • Casket type and interior
  • Number of nights for the wake
  • Chapel room (if multiple rooms are available)
  • Additional services (flowers, program printing, live streaming, hearse)

Ask for an itemized written quote at this stage. Most families choose 3–5 nights for the wake, depending on how much time relatives need to travel — especially OFW family members coming from abroad.

Step 3: Notify Family and Community

In Filipino culture, the community shows up. Inform your barangay, church community, coworkers, and extended family. In the Philippines, it is common for the news to spread through Facebook, Viber groups, and word of mouth. You may want to prepare a brief announcement post.

Step 4: Arrange the Church and Burial

Contact your parish priest to:

  • Schedule the funeral Mass (typically on the last day of the wake)
  • Arrange the blessing of the body at the chapel
  • Coordinate the cemetery burial or columbarium inurnment

If the deceased was cremated, coordinate timing with the crematorium as well.

Step 5: Prepare the Wake Itself

A typical Filipino wake includes:

  • Flowers and candles — usually arranged by the funeral home, with additional flower stands from family and friends
  • Photo display — a photo arrangement honoring the deceased's life
  • Guestbook — for visitors to sign and leave messages
  • Prayer vigil (Pasiyam) — nightly prayers, often led by a lay minister or priest
  • Food and refreshments — in Filipino culture, it is expected that food be available for visitors throughout the wake
  • Entertainment (optional) — card games (tong-its, mahjong) are a traditional part of Filipino wakes, especially late-night vigils

Step 6: Include OFW Family Members Online

With millions of Filipinos working abroad, it's increasingly common for OFW relatives to be unable to attend in person. Many funeral homes in the Philippines now offer live streaming services for wakes and funerals — allowing family abroad to watch in real time and leave digital condolence messages.

If your funeral home doesn't offer this, ask whether they have a setup to broadcast via Facebook Live or a private video call. Modern funeral management systems like Memoria Digital include built-in live streaming as part of their platform.

Wake Costs: What to Budget For

  • Funeral package: ₱30,000 – ₱300,000+ (see our funeral package pricing guide)
  • Additional flowers: ₱500 – ₱5,000 per arrangement
  • Food and drinks: ₱2,000 – ₱10,000+ per night depending on number of guests
  • Church donation / Mass stipend: ₱1,000 – ₱5,000
  • Burial or columbarium: varies (see separate guides)

Frequently Asked Questions

How many nights is a typical Filipino wake?

Three to five nights is the most common range. Families waiting for OFW relatives to arrive from abroad may extend to 7 nights, which typically requires additional embalming.

Do we have to serve food at a Filipino wake?

Culturally, yes — it is expected. Food keeps visitors comfortable during long nights and is a way the family shows hospitality during a difficult time. Neighbors, church groups, and friends often contribute food as a form of support.

What is the Pasiyam?

The Pasiyam (from the word "siyam," meaning nine) is a nine-day prayer period after the burial. Nightly prayers are held, usually at the family home, culminating on the ninth night with a larger gathering. It is a deeply ingrained Catholic Filipino tradition.